I had a moment last night. Not a full-on meltdown, thank goodness, but a moment where I felt panicky and freaked out and scared and not at all like the competent, successful business lady I want to be.
It was my ego, of course. I've been bumping into it an awful lot lately and learning so much about myself in the process. This time, it was almost as if I could feel the Ego in my chest, wrapping itself around my heart and refusing to let go.
It was very uncomfortable. I journaled. I meditated. I gained a great deal of clarity into what was troubling me. Yet clarity alone did nothing to still the Ego's grip.
How do I get free of this? I wondered. The more I struggle, the more it traps me. So what does one do with an overactive Ego rattling around inside one's chest like a kitten trapped in a box?
The answer came to me as I was drifting off to sleep. Make an offering of your fears.
And something about that felt right. We don't still the Ego by fighting against it. We still it by letting go of what the Ego believes it needs. By offering it up, if you will.
So here is my offering for today (I may have another one tomorrow, or the next day, or the next):
I am afraid to surrender to the faith that everything will work out.
And that's the truth, I realized as I wrote those words. I am terrified to let myself have faith that I will succeed, because some part of me believes that if I let myself have this faith and then fail, it will destroy me.
But it won't, of course. Nor will your fears destroy you, should they come to pass.
We are far stronger than that.